Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
