Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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