rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
