weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
