farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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