I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
