Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
