In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
