What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
