I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
even my farts smell like vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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