you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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