I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
