He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
