and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
