Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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