I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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