i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
