It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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