sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize