so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
