The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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