the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
