Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
