She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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