You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
