so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
