Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
