So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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