You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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