I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
