i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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