I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
