So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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