Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
