I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
