Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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