somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
