Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
