omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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