I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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