She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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