it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
