i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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