It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
