I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
