just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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