Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
