hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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