how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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