i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
