i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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