I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A+ Viking dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
