That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Watching her eat just hurts me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
