she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
