some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
