I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
love makes seman taste better
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
vagina is talking i cant
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
