textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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