I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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