he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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