We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize