Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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