I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
