you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
