i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
