FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
