Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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