While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
