Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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