My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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