i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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