I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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