they need to just BURY HIM!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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