Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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